Why does it always have to be a competition?

Discussion in 'Horse Chat' started by Kate12, Oct 7, 2017.

  1. Kate12

    Kate12 Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2016
    Messages:
    128
    Likes Received:
    65
    Just a random thought that I wanted to get off my chest-maybe even get some input and advice. I'm going on 3 years now with horses and it seems like you are always looked down upon as 'the new guy'. I'm really sick of hearing, "I've been doing this since I was a kid". Anything I have to say is immediately minimized and pushed aside.

    I run into this A LOT, and have learned to just keep my mouth shut, but recently, I have a friend who had been riding since she was 8; a barrel racer to be more specific. She took a 10+ year break from riding because she had developed a fear. I have taken my time to help her get back into it and so far, this has been the worst mistake of my life. It's draining to constantly be told that I basically know nothing, and I'm sick of hearing "once I get over my fear, I will help you but you can't get defensive".

    For example, she was putting my geldings saddle up too far (he's a TWH). I moved it back and said he needed room for his shoulder to move. She ripped into me and told me I knew nothing blah blah. Low and behold, his shoulder was rubbing and I just let it go. This is just a minor example and not even just with her, but many others, too.

    Why does this have to be competition? Why does years matter? I've applied myself and put the hard work into educating myself and further look to people for help. My goodness, is it just me or is this just how it is in the equine world? I never want to be this person. There is way too much to learn to ever really know all there is to know. Why can't people just like what they like and we all move along lol
     
    Spoopy_Doopy_Potato likes this.
  2. NBChoice

    NBChoice Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2014
    Messages:
    3,714
    Likes Received:
    6,754
    First of all, maybe you shouldn't ride with this friend anymore. I wouldn't be able to deal with being treated like that by a "friend." :no:

    Second, I'm just speaking for myself here, but the horse world is full of know it all's. A lot of the time those know it all's have barely even been riding and they still think they know more than those around them who have years and years of experience. That makes me get defensive when someone tries to give me advice (wrong advice) when I know they have only been riding for a couple years vs. my almost 18 years of riding. If that person is humble and doesn't try to act like they are better than me, or if they give me good advice that I know is sound advice and coming from a good place, then I have no issue with that, even if they have only been riding for a short while. It's the arrogant people who think they know better that get to me.
     
  3. Kate12

    Kate12 Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2016
    Messages:
    128
    Likes Received:
    65
    I can see why that would upset you, coming from your perspective. I just try to keep my mouth shut and not give any advice at all unless asked-which I have been asked in this particular case with my friend.

    Just the other day, I saw a "I've been doing this all my life" person tapping a whip repeatedly on a horses hind quarters, trying to get him to move IN to her. Each time he moved away from the pressure, she tapped harder. His body language was screaming that he was annoyed. She kept saying "wow he is so stubborn", as the owners watched In amazement at how good she was with him. The idea was when she taps, he moves into the pressure for mounting purposes. I kept to myself, but thought he was the most patient horse I have ever seen lol. She never did get him to respond the way she wanted. She chalked it up to the owners that he was just a very very stubborn, dominant horse and needed lots of work. Have no clue why it was so important for mounting? I think the idea was that if your horse doesn't walk up flush to the mounting block, you can tap him and he can move closer for your convenience. This same woman also was ripping on his mouth and complaining that his bit wasn't strong enough, that he would need a heavier bit so he stops. I quietly keep to myself, although it is hard to do because these animals can't speak for themselves.
     
  4. PyroTekNik333

    PyroTekNik333 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2008
    Messages:
    7,740
    Likes Received:
    12,228
    Its hard for a newbie.
    There are always people who think they are experts. And there are people who are very successful but use unsavory methods to get where they go.

    You just have to try and be open minded, be willing to listen and learn but also listen to your gut. If it feels wrong it probably is.
    Don't be afraid to stick to your guns when you know you are right. You don't have to be a weenie about it. I would've just showed her where it was rubbing, moved the saddle back to the correct place and ridden off.
    She can come along or not.
     
    NBChoice and Kate12 like this.
  5. Kate12

    Kate12 Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2016
    Messages:
    128
    Likes Received:
    65
    Thank you. Yes, you are right. I probably should have been more stern, but I don't wanna be the very type of person I'm complaining about haha. I encouraged her to check out a riding facility that may be able to help her more than I can. She has seemed to drifted that way. Not being mean, but hoping she stays because I don't want it to ruin our friendship. She just wants to be able to trail ride with out fear as far as I know. I have lead her around through the woods and really wanted to see her overcome her fear but at the same time, it's a bit frustrating because I feel like I'm being criticized. I never claimed I knew it all, I just wanted to help her like she asked. Just tired of hearing "I have been doing this for a long time, you don't know what You are talking about". From now on, people can learn how I did-trial and error and no one to rely on. I wish I had someone lead me around on a trial and make me feel safe. I was afraid for the longest time but just went. Never knew if I was coming back alive or not. Still don't lol
     
    NBChoice likes this.
  6. FaeriesFaith

    FaeriesFaith Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2008
    Messages:
    1,205
    Likes Received:
    1,261
    The idea is that you can ask your horse to move into whatever it is you're standing on for mounting without having to get off said item to reposition the horse if it steps out of line. It starts with tapping them on the opposite hip from where you're standing with a whip to ask them to move into you, I teach this first, then I teach it with a vocal command and body position (I start to use the whip with just my thumb and index finger holding it) and then finally phase out the whip so I can just raise my hand with my thumb and finger grasping the invisible whip and my horses will move into the mounting block/fence/stump/whatever. Its the start of being able to send from on top of the item and then asking them to step back into the item for remounting (A cowboy challenge obstacle that is used quite frequently)
     
    Kate12 likes this.
  7. slc

    slc Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2004
    Messages:
    23,239
    Likes Received:
    14,024
    Get some different friends.

    And yes, in fact, usually people who have been around horses longer than you and done more, know more. And they deserve some respect and to be listened to, and you're better off if you stop being so sensitive about and MAKE it into a competition rather than what it is, someone trying to help you.

    With the occasional notable exception, of course.....like your friend, who doesn't sound like she's 'making it a competition' at all. She's just being a jerk.
     
  8. Kate12

    Kate12 Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2016
    Messages:
    128
    Likes Received:
    65
    Oh cool. Thanks for explaining that :) that makes a lot of sense. So you start by tapping on the opposite side of the horse, while standing on the side you want the horse to move toward?
     
  9. Kate12

    Kate12 Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2016
    Messages:
    128
    Likes Received:
    65
    No one deserves my respect if they are going to trash me and place me in a category just because they have done something longer. It's all in presentation and how you treat others. I take being sensitive as a compliment, so thank you!!
     
  10. Kappa

    Kappa Senior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2012
    Messages:
    1,051
    Likes Received:
    998
    As someone who has also been riding just a few years I am the first to admit I know crap all in relation to people that have been doing it longer. Yes, there is usually one or two things they may do "wrong," (saddle fit and placement seems to be common, people not understanding bits, hackamores, etc.) but I find that in the way of behavior, understanding, and just general knowledge that I am more than happy to hear whatever comes out of someone's mouth with experience. Even if part of it I don't care for, don't need, or whatever.

    As for this friend and how she treated you about your own horse, and the fact that you submitted and allowed your horse to feel pain to ease her temper: this I have issue with. This is not a "friend," as has been said, and this is one of those people you are better off leaving behind in life. If she wants to continue she can go buy her own **** horse and yell at someone else. If you continue to enable her to ride and treat you thus, it's on you. You can choose to put the push over you aside and face this or allow it to continue.

    To me, there is a clear difference in someone with knowledge and experience actually attempting to give advice, whether it be asked for or not, and this person just being a *****.
     
    Pirate, Kate12 and bsaz like this.

Share This Page