Why can't we just be friends?

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Arem, May 18, 2017.

  1. Arem

    Arem Senior Member

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    In our increasingly sexual society, it often feels like friendship is dying. You see it in TV and in life. People can't just be friends anymore. If they spend time together and are fond of each other, they MUST be in love. The most obvious example I can think of off hand is within the Sherlock fandom. Sherlock and John can't just be good friends. They're gay and in love and they just won't admit it. I've seen it with children. Adults won't let boys and girls be friends. They go on about and encourage the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. Children!! Let them be friends! In the conservative circles that I grew up in, it's widely accepted that men and women cannot just be friends. It has to be sexual or will become so.

    As someone who identifies as asexual, it can be especially frustrating, but it makes me sad for sexual people, too. Close male friendships are about the best thing ever, in my opinion. I love watching guys interact with close friends. I, personally, get along better with men than with women. I love having male friends, and sometimes it's hard to be "one of the guys" with culture in general being so sexual. I love my female best friend deeply, but I have no romantic inclination towards her whatsoever.

    As I look at society, I can't help but ask the general question, "Why can't we just be friends?"
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  2. BroadaxJuniorMint

    BroadaxJuniorMint Full Member

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    I get it. I'm a open minded person, but sometimes it's a bit confusing to me as to why so many situations have to include a reference to ones sexuality. To be honest I often find it easier to be friends with men than women. In part this is because I group up in a large family of all girls so I don't need a lot of female friends. As a horse person I have both female and male horse pals.
     
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  3. manesntails

    manesntails Senior Member

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    Be friend with gay guys. They don't want ya and nobody will say you will one day be sex partners.
    There, problem solved. :D
     
  4. Arem

    Arem Senior Member

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    Gay guys are too effeminate :cry:

    (Ok, not always effeminate perhaps. I had a gay manager I got along well with once upon a time. Not that I've ever encountered many gays or lesbians of any kind here in what is considered part of the Bible Belt...)
     
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  5. manesntails

    manesntails Senior Member

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    No, there are gay guys you would never know are gay, some you would know are right off, some you'd only know they are when away from work, etc.

    My next door neighbor, whom I spoke to regularly, when I lived in Ft. lauderdale, his mother told me he was gay.
    I said, : “Oh he is Not“~!! :rofl:

    She goes: “:rolleyes: I'm his mother, do you think I'd lie about that?“ :confused:

    So, no, few are “all effeminate and “out there“. You just don't notice the rest of them. Gay people are all over the (gag) “Bible Belt“, they're just too smart to open themselves up to the inevitable abuse.
     
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  6. Alsosusieq2

    Alsosusieq2 Senior Member

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    I don't understand it either. I get along better with men than women too usually. I'm not a frilly foo foo woman and I'm not into lunching or coffee chats. I almost never have a problem being friends with men, but I also am aware that dynamics change in relationships and keep my eyes open. I'm older now, so the issue isn't such a big deal as it used to be also. You've got to be IMO, unique in a way as a woman to maintain just a friendship with heterosexual men. You've got to be upfront and honest and not be naive. Men can get the wrong idea too easily.

    The "buddy friends" not being real is nonsense and I don't get it. Recently, Supernatural fans went nuts with a tangent about believing two main characters had latent feelings for each other. The main character Dean and the sidekick Castiel are just good friends. I don't get trying to put something there that's not, but they've both got good senses of humour. It's just weird to me that friendship isn't enough.;)
     
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  7. ginster

    ginster Senior Member

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    I have been friends with both male and female people from kindergarten on.
    I am probably lucky in that my parents and some of my friends´parents did not oversexualize our friendship.
    I know that it became confusing to classmates once we hit 13/14 years of age because some of them were already so narrowminded that they had trouble believing a friendship between genders could be simply platonic and nothing more.
    It got old fast.
    I think there is nothing inherently wrong with creating OTPs (one true pairing) of fictional characters.
    It gets problematic when it becomes as fetish-y and rabid as the Johnlock ship. Heterosexual people rabidly shipping and defending a gay couple that was not intended as such can be...iffy. To me at least.
    I don´t consider myself too romantic and am probably on the demisexual spectrum....I don´t feel the need to couple up everyone I see/read about. I wish there were more writers and creators of shows and films that felt the same way.
    Most of our society feels one is incomplete without a partner. This is enforced by the media (tv Shows, books, etc. as well as Magazine and onlien articles).. and I think this is so sad. It is nioce if you´re in a relationship and happy and all. It is just as nice to be alone and happy. Implying that a relationship is the Thing that makes you complete as a human being? Ugh.
     
  8. Arem

    Arem Senior Member

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    Most of the churches in the Bible Belt (and elsewhere) make me want to gag, too. And I'm a Christian! :p

    Note, though, that abuse from Christians to homosexuals is NOT inevitable. I do not abuse homosexuals. Neither does my church. :)

    There are a lot of crappy, nasty "Christians" out there, but we aren't all like that.

    Just like not all gay men are effeminate. I just haven't (to my knowledge) met one yet.
     
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  9. equinitis

    equinitis Senior Member

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    I dislike not being able to watch TV or read a magazine that is not sexually charged. Shoot, even chewing gum commercials are sexually charged! Parents can't figure out why kids are having sex so young, or why so many seem so confused about sexuality, but it is promoted so heavily in society, I don't see how they could do anything else.
    Commercials and TV shows are including mixed race relationships, as well as gay and lesbian relationships, maybe the rest will eventually be mainstream too?
    I don't care to see any of it myself. Sex and sexuality are private to me, I don't need to display it, nor do I want to see you (general you) display it. Television has contributed greatly to the current state of society and not in a good way, IMO.
     
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  10. Arem

    Arem Senior Member

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    Until puberty, my favourite friends were all boys. I had more male friends than female friends, and before I was homeschooled, it was the boys that I ran with the most during recess.

    Then puberty. And homeschooling. And the only boys I was ever around (church youth group) were just interested in dating.

    I do Jiu Jitsu and I love hanging out with the guys-- it's a male dominated sport. I'm not like most women. I relate better to men. I feel at home with them. Trouble is, breaking into group so I don't feel like an interloper. I don't want anything more than to be "one of the guys" and hang out with the group. Trick is, getting them comfortable with me as one of the "guys" instead of just a woman. Doesn't help that the only other woman that trains as much as I do has been around longer and is seductive and prissy and not any fun for them to be around at all. She trained them wrong as far as the possibility of female friendship goes. I hooe eventually they'll see that I'm safe.
     
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