Wedding Invite Etiquette - NEED YOUR THOUGHTS

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by TallOak10, Jan 11, 2018.

  1. TallOak10

    TallOak10 Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2015
    Messages:
    760
    Likes Received:
    682
    We are getting married this year. Second marriage for both. I am 49 and he's 54. We put together a guest list and it almost choked us to death. To make long torturous story short, the issue is inviting OBLIGATORY family members -- aka that whole "if you invite RHODA, then you HAVE TO invite REENIE AND ROBERTA." It's madness.

    It's not the money, so much as it's that -- a. I'm NOT into booking a dj, selecting a wedding GOWN, centerpieces, favors, yada yada. Just feel that it's too much, and that second weddings SHOULD be more low key.

    Option ONE -- have immediate family only. Then no one is excluded and upset.

    OPTION TWO -- invite immediate family, family members we have relationships with and WANT to be there, along with close friends that we WANT to be there. No explanations. No apologies.

    OPTION THREE -- have the huge wedding, invite everybody.

    What WOULD you do or what DID you do?
     
  2. AprilBride2012

    AprilBride2012 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 29, 2012
    Messages:
    2,458
    Likes Received:
    5,357
    Option 2. Your wedding, your rules. You will probably get backlash if you do this though.
     
    ginster, secuono, Kappa and 1 other person like this.
  3. bellalou

    bellalou Senior Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2014
    Messages:
    7,501
    Likes Received:
    22,981
    Option two. You’re adults capable of making your own decisions. There is no obligation to have a giant wedding if you don’t want it.
     
    ginster and equinitis like this.
  4. emali06

    emali06 Senior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2010
    Messages:
    10,112
    Likes Received:
    15,190
    Well I went to the courthouse after wedding planning got crazy. :rofl:
     
    TallOak10 likes this.
  5. Ms_Pigeon

    Ms_Pigeon Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2007
    Messages:
    2,169
    Likes Received:
    3,628
    First, congratulations!

    Second, would that we could all be brave enough for Option 2, which is, in the real world, what you deserve.

    Third, NO TO OPTION 3.

    That said, my choice between 1 and 2 would be based on how much slag I anticipated from people who were "left out" if Option 2 was exercised. For instance, I'm close enough with my (largely rational) family to have something like that fly. My husband's (largely irrational) family would have brought it up for literally years if we hadn't had their very own reception just for them since I had the audacity to want to be married in my home state. (P.S. We didn't pay for this second, unnecessary reception, by the way!) The hassle would have outweighed the hassle of just going through what they wanted (**cough** demanded).

    Hope this helps in any way!
     
  6. ChestersMomma

    ChestersMomma Senior Moderator Staff Member

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2008
    Messages:
    8,981
    Likes Received:
    18,601
    Option 2

    We just got married last August. First for both. There was some grumbling in the family over second cousins not being given +1s or over the fact that it was adults only. Too bad, so sad. Our money, our rules.Another rule we made was that, if in the 5 years we'd dated, one partner hadn't met or we hadn't at least heard from a certain family member... they weren't getting an invite. I saw no reason to meet people at my wedding with the exception of some elderly or very long distance family.

    There are various infographics like this out there on Pinterest that we found helpful.
    [​IMG]
     
  7. Ms_Pigeon

    Ms_Pigeon Senior Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2007
    Messages:
    2,169
    Likes Received:
    3,628
    @ChestersMomma: that infographic is brilliant!

    Interesting side note: my MIL got really angry at my husband because he didn't want to invite a former friend who had stolen $300 from him to buy drugs. Since MIL and FIL were paying for Unnecessary Second Reception, there wasn't much we could do (she wanted as many people as possible there, and cared about nothing else).

    Luckily, he was in prison and couldn't attend. :rolleyes:
     
    ChestersMomma and slc like this.
  8. slc

    slc Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2004
    Messages:
    23,783
    Likes Received:
    14,434
    Some people are having smaller wedding services, and then larger receptions with more casual (inexpensive) catering, and more people invited. Sometimes that's a way out of the mess.
     
    equinitis likes this.
  9. slc

    slc Senior Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2004
    Messages:
    23,783
    Likes Received:
    14,434
    That isn't the first time a prison has solved a major wedding planning headache.
     
    ginster, TallOak10 and Ms_Pigeon like this.
  10. TallOak10

    TallOak10 Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2015
    Messages:
    760
    Likes Received:
    682
    Thank you! I appreciate all of the feedback. I'M okay with a little backlash from option two. I see it as having who we want there, enjoying our day, and it not being out of hand.
     
    ginster and ChestersMomma like this.

Share This Page