The Effect of Grudges

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by slc, Jul 8, 2018.

  1. jojozwiebel

    jojozwiebel Senior Member+

    May 31, 2017
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    I don't hold grudges. If I'm mad for a week, fine. If I decide to cut them out of my life, fine. If I adjust myself and our relationship, fine.
  2. ginster

    ginster Senior Member

    Feb 19, 2012
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    I had a co worker once who had an extremely strict father who's word was law.
    She married her first husband at an early age (20, I think) and he turned out to be an abusive POS. He hit her, verbally abused her, the whole nine yards. One night dhe got away from him and called her parents for help and her equally ****ty father told her to get back to her husband pronto. That it couldn't possibly be that bad..
    She became pregnant and finally managed to leave him when her son was a year or two. Her parents took the boy in and raised him because they decided she wasn't able to work and care for the child.
    So he received the same warm (not) upbringing she did.
    And her son blamed her for ruining his life until he was in his mid-thirties.
    She has two other children by her second hubby who turned out to be an alcoholic (not abusive though) whom she left too.
    Luckily her relationship with the younger two was never as strained.
    Due to everything she has been throufh she is, frankly, a mess.
    She suffers from severe depression and has been in therapy for decades. She is on meds and simply cannot function without them.
    I always found it unfair that her oldest kept blaming her once he matured..
  3. manesntails

    manesntails Senior Member

    May 21, 2010
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    I think that could be a sign of arrested development when a child is in their thirties, and even older, and still has no understanding that their parent is human and flawed like everyone else. They hold a grudge against them for things that it is understandable for a child to be upset about, because they are too young to understand, but, as an adult, should have forgiven years ago.

    My now deceased husband's three daughter still fault him for being a Boy Scout Leader and having missed some of their school activities~!! Can you imagine~!!

    His father died when he was four and Boy Scouts was what helped him to learn to be a man. He had no other male influence at home. He appreciated what the Boy Scout Leaders did for him and wanted to give back. It was two weekends a month.

    Even after they heard his reasons, STILL, 30, & 40yo women, right in front of me, WHINED about this to him. :faint: “You missed my school play because you had to be with the boy scouts~!!“

    And they had it good. All got cars and college educations, got basically whatever they wanted, and the other two weekends were always spent with them.

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