The Effect of Grudges

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by slc, Jul 8, 2018.

  1. slc

    slc Senior Member

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    I met a fellow who is almost 60 and still has a grudge against his mother. That got me thinking. What do you think about grudges?
     
  2. manesntails

    manesntails Senior Member

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    They are a form of self-punishment, when only internalized, but the grudgeholder, if they become obcessed with thoughts of revenge upon the person whom they hold the grudge against, they could then become a real danger to that person.

    I don't believe in holding grudges. That doesn't mean you forget, but you don't continue to internalize hostility towards others. Be Cool.
     
  3. Alyssa Hughes

    Alyssa Hughes Senior Member+

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    I forgive, but I don't forget. I don't hold a grudge though I just watch my back...
     
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  4. DancingArabian

    DancingArabian Senior Member

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    You can hold a grudge without obsessing over the negative feelings/thoughts towards a person. I do believe in holding grudges. The one thing people *never* lie about is who they are, and once they show you, you have to believe them.
     
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  5. Alsosusieq2

    Alsosusieq2 Senior Member

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    I don't think I hold grudges. Too much negativity and it's bad for you. My opinion. I don't forget a real harm, but try not to dwell on it.

    Who knows what their mother did or was like on the OP. Sad.
     
  6. ginster

    ginster Senior Member

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    Usually holding grudges takes energy. You focus on something negative. And ultimately it will cost you more than the other person.
    That said: there are some things that are just too hurtful and bad to forgive and forget.
    I try to cut the person responsible forcthose things out of my life instead of dealing with them and being reminded of it again and again...
     
  7. Tack Collector

    Tack Collector Senior Member

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    Grudges waste too much time. Have it out with the person then just write him or her out of your life. Don't waste any of your life on people who don't like you or don't respect you. I hold blood relatives to the same standards I hold strangers. It's a pass/fail test, and nobody gets a pass just for being "family."
     
  8. Ms_Pigeon

    Ms_Pigeon Senior Member

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    I've watched grudges sap my mother's happiness and energy over the decades (yup: decades). It's turned her into someone who, I really believe, enjoys being miserable.

    It would be sad enough if it just affected her, but it casts a pall over any social situation where her grudge-targets are present (they're all family, by the way). It's made me disengage from family-related situations, which is sad.
     
  9. VermilionStrife

    VermilionStrife Senior Member

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    Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting your enemies to suffer.

    I don't waste my time with it. I try to occupy myself with other, more positive things until enough time has passed that it just doesn't seem important anymore.
     
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  10. slc

    slc Senior Member

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    The guy I met was not really able to um.... verbalize what he was so angry with his mother about. He said she didn't let him go out much when they were kids. Two of her sons died, I think that's why she restricted him so much. I know plenty of people whose parents didn't let them go out as much as they wanted, but they didn't get THAT angry, so I'd think there was more than that that happened...but...holding a grudge for 40 years or more? Wow.
     

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