There is A LOT to preface this with.... hold onto your hats folks For probably around the past 2 years I have been dealing with exponential amounts of anxiety and weird health stuff which has then turned into depression. Which is progressively getting worse. I have gained a little bit of weight and my confidence (about myself) has TANKED. I hardly wanted to leave the house, never felt presentable in anything I wore, and just majorly down about life in general. I was driving home one night from having dinner with my mom, sister, and grandma.... and just bursted into tears and wondered what it would be like to drive my truck into a phone poll. It's the weirdest feeling... because I don't want to die/commit suicide but just don't want to mentally exist. I don't even know how to explain it. Well, that was an epiphone for me. OBVIOUSLY. I came home and told my husband that I needed help and NOW. So the very next day I called a psychiatrist, an endocrinologist (to get my blood sugar under control-been having lots of issues with that which is only contributing to all of these depression/anxiety issues), and a nutritionist/dietician to help me lose weight and know how to eat for a diabetic. Well my first therapy session the thing that was stressed the most was to do what I love. You can still be a mother and wife and do what you love.... and not feel horribly guilty for it all the time (like I do). So I called my sister and asked if she could watch my son more often so I could spend more time with horses/ride more (she knows the sitatuion *face palm*). She of course said heck yes.. anything to help me. So I thought I really want to experience more and learn more with horses and just ride as many different ones as I can. So I put an ad up on Facebook asking people if anyone needed their horses excercised. I wasn't asking to be paid... just to enjoy them and learn. I thought I would get maybe 1 or 2 replies. MY INBOX WAS BLOWING UP. I was completely shocked at the amount of interest I got. I mean I guess it's because people didn't have to pay me but still people can be weird about other people riding their horses... so that's why I was surprised. I had to read thru all of these messages and basically narrow it down to the ones that were closest/sounded the most interesting to me. Then, I was going to go and meet with all of them and narrow it down from there again. Well, I went and met with three different people. The first lady has 3 TN Walker's .... ALL sweethearts and enjoyed riding them. The second lady has a mustang gelding and 3 other horses from boarders that need ridden. There again.... all interest me, felt a connection! Lastly, another lady (who is having a lot of life and health problems) has 4 TN Walker's that need ridden and two youngsters that just need played with/tlc. Loved them/it there too! I can't choose! All of these people are so nice and I felt comfortable with all situations. It just felt right... if that makes sense. Also, all of these people are older in kind of bad health people that just want their horses to be ridden and loved on. Two out of the three are almost an hour away. My sister can watch my baby 2-3 days/week. So I can just do a barn a day basically. Am I CRAZY?! lol... this would be SUCH an experience for me. I not only am helping people and making friends, but learning so much and getting to ride different horses. None of them are dangerous or mean/crazy etc. They are all broke trail horses that just need some attention. Everytime I leave the barn I can already feel my spirits lifting and my heart is happier. I truely feel this is what I need right now to help heal myself. I felt like I was definitely going down the road to contemplate suicide and I don't want to go back there. I guess this was just a rant, life story, and asking for peoples thoughts or similar experiences. Life is a struggle and can be hard... and horses are definitely my therapy. I am SO sorry for rambling on like this but it feels sooo good to get it off my chest! THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart if you sat and read ALL of that. Your an amazing soul. haha Now onto pics.... of course we NEED that in any thread, right? Here is the three TN Walker's from the first lady I went and met/rode for. (I'm going back again on Monday). The next TN Walker's from lady that had 6. I only have pics of 5 (Going back there on Wed) (both front grey horses) and the 6th is another steele grey TN Walker gelding.. he was lovely! (I'll get more pics on Wed) Lastly, is the barn with the mustang and boarders horses (going tomorrow to ride them-will get pics). I didn't get pics the last time I was there! :-/ Oh and in case any of you are wondering about Lindy! I ride her in the evenings when my husband gets home from work because that barn doesn't have an indoor so i wait until the sun goes down or we ROAST to death. I HATE being in the sun/hot/sweaty. haha But, anyway... she is doing great! I finally have her at a good weight and SOUND (I hope I don't jinx myself). She is the same sweet heart that she's always been and absolutely loves my son. She always sticks her head down so that he can kiss her on the nose. It melts my heart.