So major update/excited/little dilemma haha

Discussion in 'Horse Chat' started by SkyeTiger, Jul 28, 2018.

  1. SkyeTiger

    SkyeTiger Senior Member

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    There is A LOT to preface this with.... hold onto your hats folks For probably around the past 2 years I have been dealing with exponential amounts of anxiety and weird health stuff which has then turned into depression. Which is progressively getting worse. I have gained a little bit of weight and my confidence (about myself) has TANKED. I hardly wanted to leave the house, never felt presentable in anything I wore, and just majorly down about life in general. I was driving home one night from having dinner with my mom, sister, and grandma.... and just bursted into tears and wondered what it would be like to drive my truck into a phone poll. It's the weirdest feeling... because I don't want to die/commit suicide but just don't want to mentally exist. I don't even know how to explain it. Well, that was an epiphone for me. OBVIOUSLY. I came home and told my husband that I needed help and NOW. So the very next day I called a psychiatrist, an endocrinologist (to get my blood sugar under control-been having lots of issues with that which is only contributing to all of these depression/anxiety issues), and a nutritionist/dietician to help me lose weight and know how to eat for a diabetic. Well my first therapy session the thing that was stressed the most was to do what I love. You can still be a mother and wife and do what you love.... and not feel horribly guilty for it all the time (like I do). So I called my sister and asked if she could watch my son more often so I could spend more time with horses/ride more (she knows the sitatuion *face palm*). She of course said heck yes.. anything to help me. So I thought I really want to experience more and learn more with horses and just ride as many different ones as I can. So I put an ad up on Facebook asking people if anyone needed their horses excercised. I wasn't asking to be paid... just to enjoy them and learn. I thought I would get maybe 1 or 2 replies. MY INBOX WAS BLOWING UP. I was completely shocked at the amount of interest I got. I mean I guess it's because people didn't have to pay me but still people can be weird about other people riding their horses... so that's why I was surprised. I had to read thru all of these messages and basically narrow it down to the ones that were closest/sounded the most interesting to me. Then, I was going to go and meet with all of them and narrow it down from there again. Well, I went and met with three different people. The first lady has 3 TN Walker's .... ALL sweethearts and enjoyed riding them. The second lady has a mustang gelding and 3 other horses from boarders that need ridden. There again.... all interest me, felt a connection! Lastly, another lady (who is having a lot of life and health problems) has 4 TN Walker's that need ridden and two youngsters that just need played with/tlc. Loved them/it there too! I can't choose! All of these people are so nice and I felt comfortable with all situations. It just felt right... if that makes sense. Also, all of these people are older in kind of bad health people that just want their horses to be ridden and loved on. Two out of the three are almost an hour away. My sister can watch my baby 2-3 days/week. So I can just do a barn a day basically. Am I CRAZY?! lol... this would be SUCH an experience for me. I not only am helping people and making friends, but learning so much and getting to ride different horses. None of them are dangerous or mean/crazy etc. They are all broke trail horses that just need some attention. Everytime I leave the barn I can already feel my spirits lifting and my heart is happier. I truely feel this is what I need right now to help heal myself. I felt like I was definitely going down the road to contemplate suicide and I don't want to go back there. I guess this was just a rant, life story, and asking for peoples thoughts or similar experiences. Life is a struggle and can be hard... and horses are definitely my therapy. I am SO sorry for rambling on like this but it feels sooo good to get it off my chest! THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart if you sat and read ALL of that. Your an amazing soul. haha

    Now onto pics.... of course we NEED that in any thread, right?

    Here is the three TN Walker's from the first lady I went and met/rode for. (I'm going back again on Monday).

    black pinto tnw.jpg

    grey tnw.jpg

    pinto tnw.jpg

    The next TN Walker's from lady that had 6. I only have pics of 5 :) (Going back there on Wed)

    grey horse 2.jpg
    grey horse.jpg (both front grey horses)

    patch.jpg

    two step.jpg

    palomino.jpg
    and the 6th is another steele grey TN Walker gelding.. he was lovely! (I'll get more pics on Wed)

    Lastly, is the barn with the mustang and boarders horses (going tomorrow to ride them-will get pics). I didn't get pics the last time I was there! :-/

    Oh and in case any of you are wondering about Lindy! I ride her in the evenings when my husband gets home from work because that barn doesn't have an indoor so i wait until the sun goes down or we ROAST to death. I HATE being in the sun/hot/sweaty. haha But, anyway... she is doing great! I finally have her at a good weight and SOUND (I hope I don't jinx myself). She is the same sweet heart that she's always been and absolutely loves my son. She always sticks her head down so that he can kiss her on the nose. It melts my heart. :)

    loving lindy.jpg

    lindy and colton.jpg
     
  2. Alsosusieq2

    Alsosusieq2 Senior Member

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    Wow, you've had a lot going on and glad it's going great now-!! Cute photos of their horses and Lindy is absolutely beautiful. Congratulations. ;)
     
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  3. paval

    paval Senior Member

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    Sounds like you have a lot to look forward to! Good for you and best wishes going forward!
     
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  4. foxtrot

    foxtrot Senior Member

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    As a person that has extremely bad anxiety and depression... I relate to this so much and am so glad you are on a happier path!

    I would like to warn against one thing though. It's fantastic you feel a connection with all 3 places and want to do it all, right now. But be aware that depression/anxiety is kind of like a seesaw. You are never "cured" so much as you learn better skills for handling it and keeping yourself in a good place. You will get down again, but hopefully you will have better tools to adapt and deal and pull yourself out again (likely with the help of your support system). The last thing you want is your passion (riding) to become a source of anxiety if you start to feel like it's an obligation or it's overwhelming.

    So... my suggestion would be to ease into it. Maybe do one barn once a month and one or two of them on a weekly basis? I think committing to three a week would get to be too much before long even if you love the horses/people because of the obligation and travel involved, not to mention bad weather and etc.

    Just something to think about! I hope it all works out for you, and your mare is adorable. :D
     
  5. manesntails

    manesntails Senior Member

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    I would suggest you start with just one barn. If you don't like heat, rightnow you can go ride two or three horses at one barn, three days a week, or so. See how that goes.

    Then try and clone yourself so all the rest get ridden~!! :LOL::LOL::LOL:
    KIDDING~!!
     
  6. palimino57

    palimino57 Senior Member

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    So glad to hear you have been able to find something to change your current situation. Lindy looks great!

    Look forward to updates :)
     
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  7. slc

    slc Senior Member

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    Yes depression is a nasty, stubborn critter. Riding helps!
     
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  8. SkyeTiger

    SkyeTiger Senior Member

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    Yes I have thought about that and am a little concernced about it. But, I want to go and ride them all again this week and determine who I definitely want to continue with. The second ride may not go as well as the first, ya know? Then I can decide who I want to ride every week or bimonthly etc. :)

    Thanks everyone for your kind comments!
     
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  9. ginster

    ginster Senior Member

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    I agree with @foxtrot and @manesntails . Take it slow, don't overestimate what you can get done and done as well as you want it to be done.
    i feel for you, choosing will be tough but pick one place to start. The one with the least horses to ride makes the most sense to me but only you know where you feel at home.
    i am very happy that things are looking better fo r you. That you sought and received the helpto get to a better place, mentally.
    Have fu n and please keep us posted, the horses are gorgeous!
     
  10. manesntails

    manesntails Senior Member

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    Just keep your “Trainer's Brain“ turned on and take time to evaluate every horse in his own time. They will all be adjusting to the new sequences of events brought into their daily routine and horses tend to want to do what they normally do and particularly, what they did yesterday. None of them will show you who they really are until you've ridden them long enough for them to look forward to seeing you.

    If ya get my drift.
     
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