Tonight is my last night with my Bea. Vet will be here in the morning to euthanize her. The hole is dug. Fresh batch of tears after seeing that. It is right outside my kitchen window. Thank God for good neighbours. She's only 18. But she's so crippled up, and I just can't stand to see her in pain any longer. I would rather do it too early than too late, but I really feel like its the right time. She's happy, and what some would call pasture sound, with legend every 6 weeks and previcox every day. Winters are the worst for her, and I won't make her do another. God I love this horse. She is a once in a lifetime horse for me. I got to ride her for a year before she got went lame again. I don't think anything could beat the feel of her locked on a cow. Still can't believe I never fell off. She's incredible. When I bought her she didn't know what affection was. I would go out to pet her and she would look at me wondering what I wanted. She quickly learned to enjoy it, in a very understated manner. Never pushy, just quiet and kind. We have this little thing where when I go up to her she offers me her face, low. I bend and kiss her face between the eyes. Sometimes we just rest our heads together and stand there. She's also an incredible mama, and she loves being one.its the o my thing I've ever seen her enjoy more than working a cow. She's so protective she borders on overprotective, yet she doesn't interfere when I have to handle her foals. She only had 6. Two of them are mine, and one of those is her only filly. Tomorrow is also weaning day, I'm hoping Legs takes it better than I do. I'm a wreck. Sitting on a bale of hay in the barn listening to her munch hay at 2am and bawling my eyes out. I had to get that out. If you have any kind thoughts to spare please send them my way.