Narcissism

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by endurgirl, May 25, 2018.

  1. endurgirl

    endurgirl Senior Member

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    Let's talk narcissists and their behavior. What did they do during your relationship?

    After further reading up on it, i think my husband has those tendencies, he checks about half the boxes....

    I would put this in adult, but not many members are allowed in anymore.
     
  2. emali06

    emali06 Senior Member

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    They twist things to make you feel like the bad guy
     
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  3. Alsosusieq2

    Alsosusieq2 Senior Member

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    I've never been involved with anyone like this and glad for that. I think they are all about themselves and tend to always turn things to them even if they start off pretending they care about you. Blame mistakes on others etc that they've done.

    I'd Google it and see what you think. I also think they often have sociopathic tendencies, but that's the way I feel about them. I kind of doubt he is or you'd probably be feeling horrible alot of the time. Hope so at least.
     
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  4. endurgirl

    endurgirl Senior Member

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    Oh, i kicked his *** out, i feel great. :D
     
  5. Alsosusieq2

    Alsosusieq2 Senior Member

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    Oh, ok. Well that's a huge relief. Trust me, they apparently make everything a nightmare.
     
  6. Alsosusieq2

    Alsosusieq2 Senior Member

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    But you'd know that. ;)
     
  7. CJ

    CJ Senior Member

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    I went 'noodling' (reach in hole after something/ fish) on the narcissistic type/ term a couple months ago. Found out 'gaslighting' and self-absorbed were related step-downs. Basically a narcissist is the classic All-about-Me type. The look, the attention, the spotlight, 'needs' to be on them, because they are in their opinion Amazing. A gaslighter will make someone doubt their own conclusions, ideas, and maybe ultimately sanity, in favor of the GL explanation/s. And a self-absorbed will be dismissive, demeaning, controlling, condescending, etc toward other people to make themselves or their idea look favorable/ good.
    Actual defenses suggested is, mental or physical distance, do not get sucked into their games or comparisons.
    I have actually told people who seemed to have real issues and wanted to make me pawns in then "You can/ be as crazy as you want to be, but Do Not plan on dragging me into it." *things like position or print/ing style on filing tabs..
    Im not a psych dr or major or anything, so the above is personal interpretation not clinical.
    Although I came to the conclusion the 'narcissist' I was wondering about was actually, "checked all+- the boxes" for self-absorbed.
    I currently want nothing+- to do with them. I wont play their games, I dont care what they think. I dont/ try not to react to the criticism (though it still hurts).
    As a recent entry in the meme thread says, Never push a loyal person to the point that they just dont care anymore. N-G-As never see that coming; who would not value them and their opinion/ knowledge/ direction as golden? To shut down cold and wallow in the Meh is sort of a nice change imo, mentally.
     
  8. Zimalia

    Zimalia Senior Member

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    Oh believe me, I know about narcissists. I was married to one for many years.

    The gas lighting phase, they come across as your "knight in shining armor". They are the answer to your dreams. But once they have you, until they get from you want they want, you're treated very well. Then, when they have what they want from you, you become dispensable. You were nothing more than a means to get what they wanted.

    The image they put out to the public is VERY Different from what they really are. You are the only one that gets to see their dark self. Everyone else thinks he's "Mr Nice Guy" and "isn't she lucky to have a man such as that". Been there, done that. They don't hear or see what they do to you. And of course, if you talk about it, you're the crazy one cause NO ONE would believe that of "Mr Nice Guy"!

    They are controlling. Mine was what is known as a malignant narcissist because of the EXTREME controlling. If he told me I could breathe 8 times a minute, he'd make real sure you only breathed 8 times that minute. He had told me I could go to town once per week, and that's all I was allowed to go. I got to be around other people 52 days out of a year. We lived out where I had no neighbors, and back in the days before unlimited cell phones, those minutes were his, and his alone. I was not allowed to use any minutes for anything without his approval. When he got hurt, he had been working on me to where I was only going to be allowed to go to town once every other week, so I would only get to be around people 26 days out of a year. I could see the hand writing on the wall, if he was successful, I would be limited to just once a month. 12 days out of a year I would be allowed to be around people. the rest of the time, totally alone. That's just one of the ways he was extremely controlling. Believe me, there were many others. Ask yourself, could you stand to be alone that much? Only allowed to see other people less than 2 weeks out of a year. And believe me, he made DARN sure I worked and worked hard on the ranch. Do you know any other 50 something year old woman that their husband comes home and tells them they have a week to check and repair all the fencing on the place? I should also mention the ranch has 14 to 15 miles of fences on it. He was not going to help me, nope, not a bit. That was "your job". Oh, and the silent treatments!! Narcissists are known for them!! As little time as I got to be around other people, I wanted/needed someone to talk to! Yet, when he was around, if he was angry with me, which was often, he could go months and never say a word to me. They are masters at mental and emotional abuse and torment.

    If you are successful and do get away from the narcissist, they will do the smear campaign. That's what I am still dealing with. They have already made you out to be the crazy one, and now, they invent things to tell your friends and relatives to turn them against you. If you leave, they make sure to destroy your support system. Neither of my sons, nor my sisters will speak to me. Its all because of what he's told them. Remember, to them, he was "Mr Nice Guy", they never saw the real guy. And here's a BIG ONE, YES! They know what they are doing!! They know they are hurting you and they are ENJOYING IT!! They could stop, but they see no reason to. You are nothing more than a means to an end. For myself, he needed children to inherit the ranch. Once my job as "broodmare" was done, I was supposed to go away. He got the sons he needed, and had no further use for me. In fact, he got to where he referenced me as "my favorite slave". I was not a wife, nothing more than a slave.

    A lot of women are killed, men too as this is not just a man thing, in trying to get away. Most cannot do it by themselves. I know I couldn't. I had to have help. He told me he was going to kill me, and the VA told me I could not go home as he would do it. I have no doubt about that. Given half a chance, he would have killed me. So I ran, I spent 2 years running, never in the same place more than a few hours. I was very secretive about where I was, no one really knew where I was at any given time. While he was not able to chase me and do the deed, he had friends that were. After all, he had multiple cancers from Agent Orange exposure while in Viet Nam, he already had a death sentence! Even if they caught him, what were they going to do to him? He had nothing to lose by killing me.
     
  9. Arem

    Arem Senior Member

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    I’ll come back to this later.
    For the moment, I’ll just say, I’m glad you’re rid of him. Stick with it.
     
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  10. Alsosusieq2

    Alsosusieq2 Senior Member

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    Living nightmare. I had a best friend that went through something similar and it's terrifying. He unfortunately was extremely wealthy and able to use those resources to try and track her down. I lost touch with her for years because of it.

    I'm so happy you got away. Omg what a relief. Time will repair things with family eventually as you have to realize the truth always ultimately outs and wins.
     

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