I read my ex's blog.

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Dona Worry, May 12, 2017.

  1. ginster

    ginster Senior Member

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    Red flag....
    What is a man in his thirties doing dating a 19 year old?!?
    That is borderline pedophile (there is a technical term for those who are going after teenagers but it escapes me right now). It was barely legal...
    But the story shows that you were more mature at 19 than he probably ever will be in his life,@bellalou ...
     
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  2. bellalou

    bellalou Senior Member

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    Yeah he was a creep. The girl before me was young too. Really all he had going for him was a very nice car - a '69 Olds 442.
     
  3. ginster

    ginster Senior Member

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    Creeeeepy...I wonder how *close* he was to those kids.
     
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  4. slc

    slc Senior Member

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    It's not borderline pedophilia. In the US, once a person reaches the age of consent(in her state, that is 16), he or she is legally permitted to have relations with anyone. 'Pedophilia' definitions vary according to who you ask, but in most cases, the law says it's an 'adult' having sexual activity with a 'child', which is usually defined as under age 12.

    There is a term for those who are attracted to teenagers, but whether that is legal or not, is much more complicated. Each state has its own laws, and they're difficult laws. For example, some states minimize the crime or do not see it as a crime, if there is less than 3 years of age difference between the two, even if the girl is below the age of consent and the boy is not....all that's kind of a mess, but the intent is to minimize the criminality of two under age teens(or a male just over the age of consent) who are close in age, of having relations.

    Now...in general, most Americans do not approve of anyone, even adults, dating someone older. It's considered 'gross' and 'creepy' of a male to want to date a person 11 years younger than he is, even more so when the person is 'younger' (usually, 'younger' is seen as under 21). A 25 or so year old friend viewed with horror, a rumor she was dating a 60 year old friend of her dad's.

    As people age, there is less and less of a 'difference' in age differences, at least in most of our minds. Most people don't have much problem with a 60 year old man dating a 50 year old woman, for example. But most have a big problem with a 60 year old dating a 30 year old girl, or a 30 year old man dating a 19 year old girl. And the last one is not a crime, but they still do not like it.

    There are groups of people who don't see much difference, though. In some American groups it is so important to get a girl 'married off early', that marriage, even to an older man, even when a girl is age 16, is.....fairly ok. In this group, a 19 year old dating a 30 year old would not be 'creepy'. As an example, at one barn, a 16 year old girl and a 60 year old man were having a relationship and getting married. The people at the barn were sharply divided over whether they thought this was bad or not. Some had the idea that they were 'just meant for each other' and others had the idea it was 'creepy' or 'disgusting'.

    The more 'traditional' a person is, the more likely he or she is to see any age difference as 'disgusting'....BUT....in America, for a very, very long time, it was 'traditional' for the man to be slightly older than his wife - 2 years, 3 years, that was for a long time regarded as 'the way to do it'. The basic idea was that the man could maintain his superiority because he would be more educated and experienced than his wife.

    But for most Americans it is creepy whenever there is any bigger age difference between the two, but much more so, if the girl is much younger or in her teen years, even more so if she is 'under age' to consent.
     
  5. bnttyra

    bnttyra Senior Member

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    He is an ex for a reason. Quit reading his blog, forget you ever saw it and move on. None of this should have any affect on your life today so why even worry about what some ex thinks happened?
     
  6. ginster

    ginster Senior Member

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    That last sentence....are you okay with arranged child marriage then? Sounds like it.

    The term I am thinking of encompasses those from the age of 13, 14 onwards, so it is at least in parts illegal.

    The power imbalance in a relationship like that (and I use that term very loosely) is what makes it interesting for the older party.
    And, as @bellalou stated, this was not a one-time-thing for this man, he had a relationship with another barely legal woman before....
    Frankly, I do find relationships with huge age gaps strange. To put it mildly. There is usually not much - if any - common ground to base a relationship on. Other than Money/power and hornyness, respectively. I wonder if daddy issues donĀ“t play a role in many of these cases, too.
    And I think it is very telling that our society is so accepting of old dudes with young women but not half as accepting of an older woman with a young man.
     
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  7. slc

    slc Senior Member

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    Ah...that might be futile advice. Most people spend a lot of time thinking about past relationships.

    Often that's actually a good thing. Thinking about what went wrong and learning from one's mistakes can be very enlightening.

    It can also be self-destructive. Getting attached to someone who 'didn't work out well' in an earlier relationship is also common. Retries rarely work out.
     
  8. Dona Worry

    Dona Worry Senior Member

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    Has no effect on my life, really, just found it all very strange. Not going to revisit the blog. Lesson has been learned.
     
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  9. slc

    slc Senior Member

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    You accused me of believing something disgusting and I would like your apology. Immediately.

    I never ONCE in that statement offered EVEN ONE SINGLE STATEMENT ABOUT MY PERSONAL FEELINGS ON ANY OF THOSE MATTERS. For you to leap to accusing me of something when I gave NOT ONE SINGLE PERSONAL OPINION ON THE MATTER OR ANY RELATED MATTER, IS OUT OF LINE.

    I HAVE PERSONALLY ATTEMPTED TO REMOVE A CHILD AT RISK OF AN ARRANGED CHILD MARRIAGE FROM A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY AT MY OWN EXPENSE, AND I WOULD WAGER YOU HAVE NOT.

    THIS IS ONE THING NO ONE ACCUSES ME OF WITHOUT GETTING SOME BACKWASH. I HAVE BEEN ACCUSED OF MANY RIDICULOUS UNTRUE THINGS AND SAT SILENTLY, BUT THIS IS THE LIMIT. You take that back.

     
  10. Dona Worry

    Dona Worry Senior Member

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    I generally don't keep track of exes. Once a relationship ends, it is over and done with. I delete the number, remove them from Facebook, and move along with my life.
    This blog just happened to have a post float across my wall when a mutual friend shared it.
     

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