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Featured horse jokes!

Discussion in 'Horse Chat' started by cassidy, Jul 21, 2004.

  1. cassidy

    cassidy Senior Member+

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    Q.Why did the boy stand behind the horse?
    A.He thought he might get a kick out of it!

    Q.What is the difference between a horse and a duck?
    A.One goes quick and the other goes quack!



    Q:How do you lead a horse to water?
    A:With lots of carrots.

    Q:What do you get when you cross a goat a donkey and a ram?
    A:Simple.A nice big kick in the AAAAss.





    Q: What disease do horses fear most?
    A: Hay Fever!





    "Some horses are so polite that when they come to a fence, they stop and let you go over first."


    What is a horses favorite T.V. show?
    Neeeebours






    THE RACE:
    One day I rode in a race,
    You should have seen my face.
    I was ahead by a mile.
    I had a great big smile.
    My horse was running fast,
    He did not want to be in last.
    Once I crossed the finish line,
    My parents said I did just fine.
    There were twelve other people in the race.
    Out of them I got first place.
    Me and my horse went down in history.
    Of course this was no mystery.

    JESSIE:
    My horse's name is Jessie.
    When he is in his stall it can get messy.
    I think he is a really sweet horse.
    I never have to ride with much force.
    He runs around,
    And puts holes in the ground.
    He can go really fast,
    This way he will never get last.
    I have owned him for more than a year.
    He has never shed a tear.
    He loves to go on a trail,
    And help me get the mail.
    When he is bad I call him Bessie.
    This is the end of my poem about my horse Jessie.





    Q: What do you call a horse wearing Venetian blinds?
    A: A zebra!


    I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. The other day I went horsesback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might to hang on, but was thrown off. Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot gets caught in the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Walmart manager came and unplugged it. Thank Goodness for heroes!


    An out-of-towner accidently drives his car into a deep ditch on the side of a country road. Luckily a farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny. The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's car bumper. Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Benny didn't move. Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger." Still, Benny didn't move. Then he yelled really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard." Benny just stood. Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Okay, Benny, pull." Benny pulled the car out of the ditch. The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The farmer said, "Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try."

    Q: Why can't horses dance?
    A: Because they have 2 left feet.

    Q: When do vampires like horse racing?
    A: When it's neck and neck.

    Q: What does it mean if you find a horse shoe?
    A: Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.

    Q: How long should a horse's legs be?
    A: Long enough to reach the ground.



    There was a famous jockey that never lost a race.When asked how he achieved this,he replied, I whisper in the horse's ear: Roses are red, violets are blue. Horses that lose are made into glue.



    Q: What is the best type of story to tell a runaway horse?
    A: A tale of WHOA



    Three race horses stood in their stalls. One said to other others: "I ran 20 races and I won 15 of them!" he bragged. The next said with a snort, "Well, I ran 30 races and won 25 of them!" Then the third horse spoke up proudly, "Yeah, I ran 41 races and won 39 of them!" This seemed to settle the topic when the horses noticed a Greyhound outside their stalls. The Greyhound said, "I ran 100 races and I won 99 of them." The horses looked at each other in amazement and one gasped, "Wow!
    A talking greyhound!"



    Q: What animal has more "hands" than feet?
    A: Why, a horse, of course!


    Q: What did one horse say to the other horse?
    A: The pace is familiar but I can't remember the mane.


    Q: What do you call pony with a sore throat?
    A: A little hoarse.


    Q: What part of the horse has the most hair?
    A: The outside!!!


    Q: Have you read the book, "100-mile Horse Trek"
    Q: Who wrote it?
    A: Major Bumsore

    Q: What do you give a sick horse?
    A: Cough stirrup.

    Q: What's a horse's favorite sport?
    A: Stable Tennis

    Q: Why did the horse go behind the tree?
    A: To change his jockeys.


    Q: What did one horse say to the other horse?
    A: How's your hay fever?


    Q: What do you call it when you pass a tail, ears, mane and legs?
    A: A horse.


    Q: What did one horse say to the other horse?
    A: How's your hay fever?



    Q: What did the bartender say to the horse?
    A: Why such a long face?



    Q: Why did the horse take a slice of hay to bed?
    A: To feed his nightmares!!!



    Q: How do you hire a horse?
    A: Put a brick under each hoof
    </FONT>

    Q: What are the only animals to sleep with their shoes on?
    A: A horse, of course!



    Q: What breeds of horses can jump higher than a house?
    A: All breeds. Houses don't jump

    Q: A man rode into town on June 3rd, stayed a week, and rode out on June 3rd.
    How is this possible?
    A: His horse's name was June 3rd.



    [​IMG] I told you Sparky stops real good.


    Q: How to make a small fortune in the horse industry ...
    A: start with a large fortune.



    It was a sunny afternoon when Bob said to George,Hey, George, why don't we get ourselves 2 horses? We could ride them in the summer and in the winter we could put them in the paddock behind the house." George thought it was a great idea, so the next day they went out and bought themselves 2 horses. They rode them in the summer, but when winter came George got worried. He said "Hey, Bob, how are we going to tell them apart next spring?" Bob said, "Well, I'll shave the mane off mine and you shave the tail off yours." This satisfied George, so he did. The next spring when they went back to get their horses they found the horses' hair had all grown back. Alarmed, George said, "Oh great, now how are we going to tell them apart?" and Bob said, "Well, you can have the black one and I'll take the white one."


    A cowboy goes into a bar, has a beer, walks outside and finds his horse has been stolen. He walks back into the bar, fires his gun through the ceiling. "Which one of you mothers stole my hoss?" he yells. No one answers. "All right, I'm gonna have one more beer and if my hoss ain't outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas." He drinks another beer, walks outside, and his horse is back. So he gets on it and gets ready to ride out of town. The bartender walks out of the bar and asks, "Say pardner, what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turns to him, and says, "I had to bloody walk home."

    MY HORSE

    My horse is brown his teeth are white,
    he has a long tail, he's quite a sight.

    He eats grass all day, he lets out a neigh
    to say he's okay.

    I curry him down to make him bright,
    he lets out a toot and I die of fright!
     
    Love2TrailRide likes this.
  2. Dandy_Brush

    Dandy_Brush Senior Member+

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    LOL i love a good horse joke!!!
     
  3. minilove

    minilove Senior Member+

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    cool, loved the poems
     
  4. Appylvr

    Appylvr Senior Member

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    Those were good! I lovedd the one about Benny and the farmer! Also the cowboy with his horse stolen! I've read that one before on another forum. It must have been thought up by an Australian or English person, cause I don't know anyone around here who uses "bloody" as a cuss word.
     
  5. 7HL

    7HL Senior Member+

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    Some corny but funny! :applaud:
     
  6. probarrelracer

    probarrelracer Senior Member

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    I like to knock down barrels! It's the best way to keep track of the ones I've already been around!


    On horses we find 2 legs b-hind,
    and 2 we find B-4.
    We stand B-hind B-4 we find
    what the 2 B-hind B-4.
    When we're B-hind the 2 B-hind,
    we C what they B-4.
    So stand B-4 the 2 B-hind,
    B-hind the 2 B-4.
     
  7. dreiche

    dreiche Registered

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    I agree...A little corny(haven't heard that word since Grandma died) but funny none the less!
     
  8. tiffany

    tiffany Senior Member+

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    lol! some of those jokes were so corny they were cute! thanx for sharing them!!
     
  9. Stars Of Vegas

    Stars Of Vegas Senior Member+

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    Great horse jokes!
     
  10. naughtygirl

    naughtygirl Senior Member+

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    1 1 was a race horse 2 2 was one too, 1 1 won 1 races and 2 2 won one too!
     

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