Extremely overprotective mother

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by slc, Jul 11, 2018.

  1. manesntails

    manesntails Senior Member

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    If we're talking about a kid, I agree.
    If we're talking about an adult, brain surgery would probably be the most effective cure. ;););)
     
  2. endurgirl

    endurgirl Senior Member

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    My aunt wouldn't let my cousin come to my house and play because we'd get dirty.

    The irony was their house was so dirty/ hoarder-type that you couldn't sit on their furniture or use the kitchen table due to all the stuff on it.
     
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  3. slc

    slc Senior Member

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    ohhhh....kay...

    I just got a chance to talk to a friend of mine who was a therapist for years (retired).

    She seemed to think it was actually very possible to 'reparent' such a person. Which from reading the responses ('try a brain transplant') maybe a lot of people don't believe her.

    In other words the therapist treats the person differently from what the parent did - encourages him to try new things, teaches a lot of communication skills, shows approval when the person breaks old habits, and is just calm and encouraging - and not real intrusive - when the person messes up.

    She also said that there is a lot of unrecognized anger in situations like this. The person really wants to change and resents being dependent on a parent and realizes it made them a miserable adult. The trouble is more the person just not knowing how to go about it.

    I honestly didn't expect her to say that. I expected her to say such people drive her nuts and never get better.

    On the other hand, I cannot imagine this guy ever agreeing to get any therapy....
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2018
  4. manesntails

    manesntails Senior Member

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    Who's Kay and what does she have to do with it?
    ;););)
    *pay attention to the emoticons^^^^ slc* :D
     
  5. NaeNae

    NaeNae Senior Member

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    See, while parents heavily influence your personality and mental state while growing, they aren't the only factor, right? We are still influence by friends, family, teachers, clerks at the grocery store, people in line for coffee. Everyone has a different percentage of influence on someone's mental shaping.So that explains why, manes' mother was controlling but she still had other influences that stopped her from completely succumbing to that and turning out worse than she is. Instead, she took in more input from other influences and strayed to be more independent from her mothers actions.

    I'm dealing with this right now in my mid 20s. Have had some outside influences that have "mentally pushed me over the edge" and I started counselling last year. Am now with a different counselor after 5 months with the first. Not just any counselling or therapy will work, it will take someone with the right tools and methods to work with each individual, right? You can also have the best counselor in the world, suited well to the individuals needs and personality and problems, but if that person isn't willing to put the effort in themselves, other than complain and "talk about their feelings", they probably won't make much progress. It takes a lot for someone to seriously look at their issues and make a conscious effort to actually try and change. I carry a notebook with me everywhere I go, pretty much, to write down and keep track of thoughts, actions, etc. It forces me to see what I'm thinking, why it might be wrong, how I react to things, and I've been using tools to work through it all.

    My first counselor helped a ton. But we hit a stalemate of we spent too much time just sitting in my feelings. I knew how I felt, and what from my childhood helped me to feel the way I do, I needed help and instruction as to now how to work at getting past it all. So I tried another professional. And out of only 4 sessions in two months, I am getting way more help from her than I was towards the end of the time with the first one.
     
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  6. Ms_Pigeon

    Ms_Pigeon Senior Member

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    I'll keep it brief, but I was an over-protected child, particularly in regard to what my mother claimed would "make me sick" or "get me hurt." It led to intense anxiety, OCD and related issues, and general misery.

    Two things have helped me: getting the right medication for my emotional issues and being married to someone who is not stymied with such limits. My husband of 15 years has been a patient, supportive, absolute rock star who has helped me along as I figured out what boundaries are worth testing and what risks are worth taking. Being around a role model for free living - and especially one invested in helping me to achieve that - has been a game-changer.
     
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  7. slc

    slc Senior Member

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    I did. I made a response I felt was appropriate. I won't be asking you to review and approve my comment before posting the next time, either.
     
  8. manesntails

    manesntails Senior Member

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    I think it has a lot to do with the will and mindframe of the child. Kids who idolize a parent and want to please them are more likely to be affected by a negative childhood than those who do not idolize their parents and learn, from an early age, that their parents are not gods, don't know everything, and are not always right.

    I have a mind that is wired to reject what does not make sense to me, therefore, I did not idolize family or parents, do not idolize anyone. All people are separate and unequal in their choices, opinions, and behaviors. I do not blindly follow someone else's lead because they are “over “ me because I do not feel that anyone IS over me in that they are always correct.

    Some thoughts are true and correct, others are not true and correct and any person, be it a parent or other authority figure, can be wrong. There is No ambiguity in my mind in this.

    If you are torn as to who or what is right, what your parents do or say you want to BE right, and you fear doing otherwise and you fear rejection from disappointing them, that can mess with your mind, A Lot.
     
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  9. NaeNae

    NaeNae Senior Member

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    I'm like you, I don't take anything for gospel and question a lot.

    I deal with issues in my relationship with one parent. I am a lot like said parent in the sense that I am extremely independent, and stubborn. I also became MORE independent growing up because I was the middle child of three. I tended to have a lot more alone time. Hated it growing up, but it's really been a blessing because I've gone through way more things in life without the hand holding from my folks that my siblings have had. I just figure it out on my own.

    Part of that came from my parents. Part from being a middle child. Part from teachers I felt drawn to. Part from things I read in books and the internet. Part of it came from my brain chemistry.
     
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  10. Garfield70

    Garfield70 Senior Member

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    Depends on the type of problems he developed and the current symptoms.

    The first step is getting what he has properly diagnosed. Only then a therapy recommendation makes sense.
     

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