Ever had a horse you just don’t ... jive with ?

Discussion in 'Horse Chat' started by 250girl, Dec 30, 2018.

  1. Arem

    Arem Senior Member

    Dec 17, 2009
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    I don’t think that’s going to be much of a selling point for the average horse owner who usually has just one horse for extended periods of time (10+ years not unusually) and would like more than just a business arrangement.
  2. Rhythm 'n Blues

    Rhythm 'n Blues Senior Member

    Feb 23, 2007
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    I have certainly trained horses that I would never in any freaking lifetime own - yes most certainly. People seem to think that one should love - not just like, but love & adore - every single horse as if it is their own. I disagree with that thought entirely. It's like people who are dog people - that doesn't mean the adore every single dog that crosses their path. And yet we all know that would be ridiculous to think, yet people think that way about horse people? I don't get it.

    So yes, I've most certainly had a few that I do not "love". Heck there are some I even do not "like". They are treated fairly, and are given treats and high praise when they do their job and they all learn and grow wonderfully under my tutelage. I can most certainly appreciate where they started and the great leaps they make prior to leaving me. I can also find the joy in their day to day work - seeing them improve with each new day. But that doesn't mean that I have to "like" or even "love" them. If they are having a good day and wish to cuddle, I most certainly will do that, but again that doesn't mean I have to "like" or even "love" that horse. I will give it what it needs and wants and we will most certainly have a good partnership, but that doesn't necessarily equate to "like" or "love". This can be very very hard for people to see. They see the interaction that I have with the horse and just assume that I do "like" or "love" every single horse, but that is not true. I can appreciate every single horse for what they are. Each one has something the teach me or someone, but again, that doesn't mean I must "like" or "love" each one as if it's my own.

    @250girl - yes, I completely know where you are coming from. I have always known why I have not "liked" or "loved" each one that has crossed my path. Yes, there have been some that I have not had any wonderfully fantastic, dreamy connection with & that is definitely ok. They always leave me as a better member of society than they came, and they go to someone whom adores and loves them. I often hear just how perfect they are for their new person & I am never sad to hear it - always happy and delighted that the perfect pairing has been found.
  3. sherian

    sherian Senior Member

    Mar 12, 2011
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    I own one mare who I have had for 10 years now, she is an excellent broodmare, lots of fun to ride and a seeing eye dog over fences. I appreciate her but I do not have the same level of attachment to her as I do to some of my other horses even though I have had her longer. Just no bond for whatever reason. She however has a home with me until the end as she has done everything I have asked of her and she deserves a secure retirement as she ages, not to be used up and dumped - I am lucky enough to have my own farm, if I boarded I probably would have sold her 8 years ago at her prime.
    ginster likes this.
  4. lhoward

    lhoward Senior Member

    Apr 12, 2011
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    Honestly, I find the situation just a bit sad.

    OF COURSE there won't be the same relationship with every horse. Of course attachment can vary. Its even quite normal to say "I just don't like that horse or this horse just doesn't like me."

    I feel this situation is different, though. The first post was the one from the heart. Before people put in their input. Not only was it said that this horse wasn't liked. Not only was it said this horse was despised, which is a very, very strong word. No, it was said that this horse was SERIOUSLY DESPISED. You don't say that unless there is something more going on, ESP. since the horse hasn't even done anything seriously dangerous or wrong.

    I feel like the issue does in a way lie with the OP, and I don't think she actually realizes it. Just reading those few posts, it comes across as if the whole thing has become sort of a "duty". Approached as a "duty".
    As if she is punishing herself. Taking on the horses no-one wants, and they need fixing. And it needs to be done right. Perfect. Holding back the ones least marketable because it is the "right" thing to do. Having to slug on with them until they perform better because it is the "right" thing to do.

    It reminds me of those mothers that are all about "duty". The child is clean, well fed, dressed appropriately and nicely, gets a good education, ALL those things, but the heart isn't in it. Its just that it has to be done, has to be done right, its her duty. There is no love, no emotion, no warmth. Why? I don't know, sometimes it lies with the persons inner being. Somewhere along the line they felt they had to do everything just so, and its more important to do it right, then to have fun, then to enjoy.

    It seems the magic is gone.

    Noone says this has to be your favorite horse. No-one says you have to adore her. But I feel you give her no chance, no choice. Again, "seriously despise", that came out of your heart for some reason. Perhaps you just seriously despise the fact that you feel you have to do your duty and do it just right, just so, even though you just rather DON'T anymore. But that is not an option for yourself. Hence ...the resentment.

    I have a very close relationship with my mare. That simply means that over the years I have gotten to know her inside and out. By spending hours and hours with her. And not just riding or trying to make her a better horse. She was 11 when I bought her. A breeding machine with zero personality. Obedient. And that is it. Never had any kind of actual deeper interaction with humans. Never had a chance to study humans, to learn them, to trust them. She just learned to obey them. And she did.
    I was green. Yup, in a way we both were. Tumultuous months followed. For both of us. I almost gave up on her, I even hated her just a little bit at one point. For killing my dream about what horse ownership would be like, this magical thing.

    But we persevered. And now, like I said, I know her and she knows me. I believe if we were able to actually speak to one another, it would only be a tenth of the communication we have now, without words. Horses are ALL about body language. They are incredibly in tune and able to read you. By the time you walk up to the horse it already has read you like a book. By the time you halter and lead it to the grooming area, the horse has had a huge amount of input from you. Every movement you make, the expressions you make with your face, eyes, mouth, your energy.

    I believe with a horse any kind of true relationship evolves from mutual trust. Of course respect and obey is #1. But without trust, the horse will always and only give as much as you demand and not an iota more.

    For some reason the OP resents this horse. Oh, and that horse knows it. It might be confused as well. Its obeying , its listening, yet the human approaches with resentment and downright dislike and hate. Of course that horse doesn't trust her. It listens. But its wary.

    You also can't "fake it" to a horse. Go and baby talk or give treats when inside you feel completely opposite. They know. You already told them everything in the first minute you approached them.

    So you feel your duty is to tough it out with that horse that is the least marketable, because it is the right thing to do and your duty. But you aren't doing yourself OR the horse any favors.

    You don't need to be all lovey dovey with a horse or love them all or expect magic and butterflies . But be fair. If you don't feel it, sell the horse. Someone else may want to rise to the challenge and develop trust with that mare. I feel that a horse that doesn't only obey you but trusts you will give you so much more.

    Perhaps you really need to sit down and have a good long talk with yourself. What you get out of doing this. Doing it the right way. Stop taking horses no one wants to fix them up. Enjoy the horse you enjoy and start looking at horses as fun time again. Its time to let go when not only the fun has gone out of it, but its become a burden. Its quite clear that you "seriously despise" something, if not actually the horse.

    Just my long drawn out opinion though, take it or leave it.
    lukesmom, zomer, foxtrot and 8 others like this.
  5. ginster

    ginster Senior Member

    Feb 19, 2012
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    Eh. It´s like Moosey posted: you don´t always get along with every co worker. You are civil, you get the job done, there is no drama involved but you just don´t care to spend more than the necessary time with them.
    It happens. Horses have personalities too.
    I wouldn´t worry too much about it. She tries for you, she doesn´t balk at what you ask. It´s all good imo. It is interesting though that others say she tries hardest for you, works the best for you. That does say a lot about her attitude. I guess maybe she doesn´t dislike you...but that´s neither here nor there unless you can truly change the ho-hum attitude you have towards her. I wonder if that is possible? In a "smile until you´re happy" way?
  6. ginster

    ginster Senior Member

    Feb 19, 2012
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    How is she when she´s in heat? I am wondering if her "thin skinnedness" is hormonal? Ever had a Repro vet out to check?

    That said: I leased a TB stallion and he was super sensitive when brushed too. Wasn´t the cuddly type either. Very stand-offish. I liked him a lot but he would rather be left in peace if the work was done, thank you very much.
    I often wonder if a through vet check up and some massage/chiro work would have had influence on his demeanor. He would have surely been in a better mood if his owner did not keep him stalled 24/7..
  7. VanityVin

    VanityVin Registered

    Jul 31, 2014
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    I've never owned a horse -hopefully one day- but I've dealt with horses I don't particularly like. Every animal has a personality, and as such, some just are not compatible with your own. I guess this goes beyond behavior and training issues. Some horses I just 'get a feeling' with, and not a particularly good one. It can be an indifference or it can just be a plain old feeling of 'I don't like this horse'.
    Kind of like when you introduce a horse to a herd, ranks are established and some horses just don't click. That's what I get whether or not I've ridden the horse. Gut feeling based instinct- nothing to do with the horse's temperament, ride, color...just a deep down feeling. Ironically, no I do not judge people like this- this only happens with animals for me sometimes. Some animals and I just don't click immediately, whereas with people I usually have to have a 'clue'.
  8. 250girl

    250girl Senior Member

    Sep 9, 2009
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    Ugh , my one week off a year is over and I’m back to having no time! Will try to answer a few questions here that you guys are asking .

    How long have I had her ? 1 year , but she’s been worked very inconsistently due to some big life changes, and being the one that’s hopeless to turn money as a resale.

    Have I had her vetted ? Yes , teeth , chiropractic, acupuncture. Have not had a good “repro” vet look at her .... not sure we have one really ?

    How is she with other horses ? Awful , violent , aggressive. I’ve seen her get along with 3 horses in the past year, every other one is a fight. Anything that reacts to her must be attacked. The 3 that she got along with just completely ignored her attitude and she was buddies after that.

    Could it have something to do with a deep seated resentment from losing my dream horse ? Yes, and I’ve thought of it as well. I don’t think it’s the reason but it surely doesn’t help that she comes nowhere near replacing her predecessor.

    I’m still working her a few days a week as weather permits right now. See what summer brings. Take her out to a few things and see if she catches someone’s eye or if I’m having fun with her.
    Trying to keep an open mind.
    ~tiffy~, ginster and Arem like this.
  9. Mcdreamer

    Mcdreamer Senior Member

    Nov 3, 2011
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    How old is this mare?
    Aggression towards other horses for no particular reason and a "dull" personality can sometimes be signs of Cushings.
    But I see cushings everywhere.
  10. Friesiangirl

    Friesiangirl Senior Member

    Jun 21, 2005
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    Life is too short to spend time on the back of a horse you don't like. Let alone pay for the costs of one you don't like.

    Whether the issue is yours, the horses, a little bit of both or neither, is not a big deal.
    We work hard, we spend a lot of time and money in this sport, and there's no reason to force a bad match "just because."
    If your goal is to improve yourself as an equestrian through learning to work with this horse, then keep her.
    If you're burnt out, move on.

    Those of us who have made the horses are living can get along with just about any of them for the paycheck, and no, they're not all lovely willing superstars. But, for those of us who don't "live the sport", we can be even more selective. Enjoy that opportunity.

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