Discussion in 'Horse Chat' started by 250girl, Dec 30, 2018.
Maybe your expectations about "special sparks" are in the way somehow?
This is the mare that you got right after your other one had the career ending injury, right? Do you think it’s possible that you have some resentment somewhere inside because of that? Because this mare isn’t that one, the one who was special to you?
Just a thought, since you do seem to want to unwind what the problem might be.
Ok, now here we have it...And I'm not going to call you thick headed but...please stop deflecting by mistakenly thinking we don't get what you're saying. Use your brain here and stop being so defensive that you are shut off to help when you've come here for it and lots of people are trying to help you so you will be happier. Ill say it again, because this is so important it can change your whole life in a good way...change your perception, not just of the horse but everything. Every negative thought and emotion you have fuels negative feelings and actions. The negativity affects HOW you feel about yourself and your circumstances. It's a horrible cycle.
In the yoga sutras, Which you probably don't know about, we are taught about pratipaksha bhavana, changing negative thoughts to the opposite. So, you have a negative thought you immediately catch yourself doing it and change it to the opposite of a positive thought. Even if you dont want to, think its stupid, whatever...fake it till ya make it. This is also a fundamental aspect in the law of attraction. We change our inner landscape by changing our thought patterns which are fraught with cognitive distortions that block us from our true nature which is happiness and contentment and love. Then everything around us improves because we get rid of our crappy freaking attitude. Look, kid, this advice comes from experience and struggling with my own crap and unhappiness which I got sick of... All that negativity on the inside will boil over into everything you do. Change it to positive, which you can by being logical and catching the negative self talk and inner dialogue and then the positivity will be what comes boiling over. Now, reread that and challenge yourself to be in the present moment when you read it. And read this...When you despise something outside of yourself, you actually despise yourself which is unacceptable. See the All, creator, God, whatever you want to call it is in yourself and everything. There is nothing here in this universe other than God (and I don't mean some christian dude sitting on a cloud) material, including you and me...we are all, everything, made from the All material. You cannot separate the clay from the ceramic pot. All the material here is the All. It deserves to be treated so. And, I'm not perfect with it either but it makes me much happier with all I do to think about it in these terms. Good luck.
So. Here's the thing. I did equine therapy work for a long time. People constantly projected their crap onto the horses. There's literally a whole model that utilizes this (EAGALA). And I HATE it. How fair is that to the horse? This is what I see you doing with this horse. I am, in no way, saying that you aren't taking care of this horse, meeting her needs, and what not. But you're projecting something on to this horse. The horses simply respond to us. By saying you despise/dislike this horse and have no reason for it says you are projecting something onto her. Maybe you see something about her that reminds you of yourself. Maybe she reminds you of your cold invalidating mother (lol) I don't know. But I do know that the fair thing to do for the horse is to either figure it out and stop projecting your crap on to her or give her to somebody who doesn't have this issue.
I say this kindly and thoughtfully.
It is entirely possible to be nice and kind to a horse and still not like/love the animal. The Op is not abusing her horse in any way. She just doesn't klick with it.
I spent 2 years trying to love my boy. He was awesome with my kids. The issue was mine. He did nothing wrong etc. I am 100% sure that he enjoyed his new home and is still happy today. I even met a girl that grew up riding him at the camp/farm.
I only disliked one other. She was a school horse that acted out with different lesson kids. We had an understanding. I didn't fuss over her and she didn't try to cow kick me. I never liked riding her, but she was always good for me under saddle.
In a way Charm has given me more issues than both of them. But the difference is that I love my new little mare. I love her quirky personality. I love having her loose in the barn with me as I putter around after our rides. I can see her thinking and it makes me laugh and love her more.
If I didn't have that connection with her, then I would sell.
It's entirely possible and my philosophy is... there are too many good horses out there to mess with one you don't like. And the term "good" has many meanings so take the word for what it means to you.
We’re back to the cookie cutter. You’re basically saying that horses have no preferences and no agency. That they are blank slates that simply reflect us. And that’s just ridiculous.
How long have you been working with this mare? It took me over a year to get along with Rock. I had unrealistic expections and we needed to figure each other out.
Is it true you started working with her again a past horse retired/passed on? You are probably expecting her to act the same as the past horse. It took me over a year to understand Rock was not the same as my old Sawyer.
It sounds like she has some quirks like the sensitive skin and needing to be tied high. Do you not like that? That is part of personality/training. The sensitive skin could be medical and the tying high could be resolved with training. Maybe use cross ties? If you don’t like her quirks, maybe you want an old bomb proof pony who doesn’t have quirks.
Correct me if I am wrong; but, she is well behaved under saddle and has good movement and a good brain. So maybe you should be fortunate to work with a nice horse. Not saying there aren’t other nice horses, but I guarantee you there are people out there who would love to work with her. The kids who have an ancient, kick ride pony. The college student who has the hot head and knows they couldn’t afford another horse. The man who always dreamed of being able to compete with a nice horse. See what I am saying?
I am not saying keep her forever, but change your attitude and make the best of it. Horses can sense if you don’t like them. They can sense that you do like them. Just fake it. I think you are being over dramatic with high expectations. Enjoy what you have, get through it, sell her, and move on.
No, horses respond to how you act towards them.
They don't think: “Well gee, she wears green, (for example) and I don't like green~!! It is how you present yourself to a horse that molds his/her attitude towards you.
Same with how they react to one another in the field in a herd. Change how you present yourself because horses judge by how they perceive you to be feeling TOWARDS them which they pick up off your body language.
Hold negative thoughts towards a horse and they FEEL that. You can't hide it from them. Be negative in general and they feel that vibe coming off you. Don't work with a horse when you are in a bad mood, they don't know why you are being negative and take it like there is reason for them to be apprehensive of you.
Exactly. So why not sell her to someone who would love to work with her?
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