Dadisms.

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Dona Worry, Jan 10, 2017.

  1. Dona Worry

    Dona Worry Senior Member

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    Post your own!
    They don't have to be just silly things your dad says/used to say--any family member or close friend (or even sworn enemies! ) are fine.
    My dad has a bunch. He is well known for abusing the phrase "It will only take a few minutes." when it is a TOTAL LIE. No. Moving 48 heifer through six gates and down into an entirely new meadow will NEVER take 'a few minutes '. LIES.
    And then.
    There is the famous 'Dad voicemail'.

    "DONA.
    *long pause*
    IT'S DAD.
    *loooong pause*
    UM. I WAS HOPING TO TALK WITH YOU.
    *an eternity passes. Planets are formed and crumble to dust*
    SO YEAH I guess you can just call back later okay bye"
    What. JUST WHAT.
    That is three minutes (and it is ALWAYS three minutes. Just to say that.) of my life I will never get back.
    I have explained several times about how that voicemail literally gives me no more information than the 'missed call from dad' notification, but he just doesn't get it. So, the dad voicemail.

    My youngest niece is. . . Different. She is three, has an obsession with bad guys, and likes to pretend to eat people.
    This Christmas, my mom got her this gorgeous wooden toy car, about the size of a shoe box, with a nice little family of four to ride in it.
    She loved it! She started playing with it on the couch, and singing a cute song.
    "Driving driving driving, going on vacation, driving driving driving INTO THE LAVAAAA!" *car takes a nosedive into red tissue paper.
    "I thought you said he was a bad guy?!"
    "Well, he is kinda mean, isn't he?"
    "BAD GUYS DON'T HAVE TEA PARTIES WITH PONIES! I WANT TO WATCH A DIFFERENT ONE WITH NO TEA PARTIES!"

    And there is of course my grandmother, and her question of "Dona sweetheart, how is your dear sweet little pony? And her fine little colt too?"
    Everyone thinks I have shetlaND ponies now lol, but I love it. It makes me happy every time!
    Add your own! I know I am not the only person with whacky people in my life!
     
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  2. CabterCrazy

    CabterCrazy Senior Member

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    My grandma is 92, sweetest old lady. Every time she remembers I am in the military and is having a bad dau, she always says "can we run people over with a tank?" She also always tells me I need to find a nice man, then points to my SO and goes "like this one! He is a fine young man, and handsome. You are to be with him" a batty old woman but I love her
     
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  3. Alsosusieq2

    Alsosusieq2 Senior Member

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    nope, Dad almost never talked if you could pry his nose out of a book on his time off. He once knelt down while we we on a walk and picked up a handfull of dirt. He said..this and water are the most valuable things on earth. Acquire land and conserve and invest in water..its not unlimited.

    Pretty serious Dad actually and that was the fifties. No silliness ever or exaggeration I can remember, ever. Not mean, just serious and philosophical.
     
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  4. Friesiangirl

    Friesiangirl Senior Member

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    My dad is actually pretty cool. Despite being an awful parent in some respects, he's turned out to be an awesome adult friend.

    He always makes it up. Always.

    When I was a teen things were different and he sold my horse out from under me. I despised him for it.

    Nearly a decade later he gifted me the money for Maddy on the condition I "stop holding that **** stormy against him".

    :)

    Also he calls me snookerdoo
     
  5. bobo and horses

    bobo and horses Senior Member

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    After finding out his kids were jumping off the train bridge into the river "you better stop doing that or someday you are gonna wake up dead!" We still use that one around my family.
     
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  6. equicrzy

    equicrzy Senior Member

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    My dad would start every sentence with, "people in other countries......." , whenever we would complain about something, or, wouldn't eat certain foods.........a complaint about broccoli would get the response, "people in other countries don't have enough food, quit complaining".....a complaint about not being able to go outside because of rain, would get, "people in other countries don't have nice homes to keep the rain off of them".

    Every response to a complaint got the same, "people in other countries" answer.
     
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  7. Kiesha

    Kiesha Full Member

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    Goodness, I don't think my dad could tell a mare from a gelding! The most he does is admire my gelding (mostly for my benefit) while patting his nose awkwardly and mumbling "good boy" and things that don't make any sense. :rofl:
    My grandfather's greatest contributions to my horse life are his 'horses are basically useless because all they do is eat grass and cost money' speeches and the 'back in my day' stories from when his parents' barn had elevators for the horses to use. :crazy:
    The women of the family, however, are much more interested. My dearly departed aunt ran a miniature horse breeding farm in Texas. My grandmother used to have a horse way back when. She'd still love to get back in the saddle, but my horse is too push-button (and possibly too big) for her. My mother and I got into horses when I was 6, however, we got back out of them 7 years ago. Rocky's my begin-again horse, and to me, he's absolutely perfect. :heartbeat:

    PS: No matter how I may complain about my non-horsey relatives, I do love them to pieces. :p
     
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  8. chy3792

    chy3792 Senior Member

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    Are we sisters? Does your dad live in TN? I think we may have the same one lol.

    My favorite "Dad Voicemail":

    HEY
    *pause*
    IT'S YOUR DAD
    *another pause*
    OH ITS ABOUT
    *pause*
    5:30 ON A
    *looong pause*
    WELL HECK I DON'T KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS
    Well whenever you get this give me a call back.

    So now it is a joke between me and him, if I leave him a voicemail it usually always mirrors that one. He is a hoot.
     
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  9. manesntails

    manesntails Senior Member

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    You realize that he does this hoping you're there or will walk in and answer so he can talk to you at that time, right?

    My father died when I was two. I had my Uncle. He said all kinds of stuff, but it was more exasperating that he DIDN'T say stuff. You'd ask, he'd hint, you had to think about it and figure it out. I much prefered that, in the end.

    You had to be worried if he got red in the face, gave you the eyes, or, the worst, looked straight ahead, and walked off. Otherwise, if you asked for something, like a horse you wanted at auction, and you got no red face, no eyes, and he looked at you, he STILL wouldn't say a thing. He'd just start bidding when the horse came up. :D
     
  10. Dona Worry

    Dona Worry Senior Member

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    What? He usually does this when he knows I am not around, why would he expect me to magically appear in person? :cautious:
     

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